Ghosters. Scum of the earth, you say.
I’ve dealt with plenty of ghosters through working sales jobs and being a desperate single male on the Tinder app for way too long.
At first, ghosting offended the heck out of me and I became an angry young man driving an average Honda Civic.
But now ghosting makes sense.
Ghosting is where someone cuts off all contact and never speaks to you again. The lesser form of ghosting is where someone doesn’t reply to any of your communication without warning. Sometimes it’s permanent, other times it’s for days or weeks.
Let me explain and give you some kickass tips so you can deal with ghosters like a gorgeous human.
They opted out. Their loss.
Ghosting gives closure.
After a few weeks or days it can be a clear sign you’re not wanted in that person’s life. That’s their loss.
In my case, I had plenty of potential mates ghost me on Tinder. Often we’d go on a nice date and I’d drop some serious cash on a restaurant and red wine. The night would appear to go fine. Then nothing.
They barely knew me and decided I wasn’t even worth a reply. Never mind the money I spent from my banking job to give them a quality experience.
Admittedly, I’m not without my flaws. I probably talked too much, and I get nervous on dates and tend to drink too much.
Alcohol is a band-aid for my fragile ego.
Once I learned to see ghosting as rejection it made life easier. The more we get rejected the more we grow.
It’s why some of my friends have remained single. They simply hate rejection so when they get it a few times on dates, they permanently decide to be single instead of face regular rejection. We’ve all got a friend like this.
Rejection is the other person’s loss, not yours.
They miss out on all the beauty you have to offer this world. They don’t get to look beneath the iceberg that is you, where they may find something magical that they’ve searched their entire life for.
They have low emotional maturity
Ghosting is a sign of immaturity.
Typically people that are afraid to face the world do it. Instead of mustering up the courage to tell someone no, they avoid making a decision. It’s not just life either. They delay all sorts of decisions.
This holds them back in life. They get stuck in the grind.
I learned not to date ghosters. The smart dates always had the decency to at least tell me whether another date was possible. The geniuses even gave me assertive feedback which I loved.
- “You got too drunk.”
- “You didn’t smell great.”
- “You probably need to see a dentist.”
I’m fine with all those comments. At least they were things I could work on or choose to ignore. Or even better, promptly mention them on the first date so I could get them out of the way.
I don’t trust ghosters. If they can’t be honest enough to reply, what else are they hiding? Normally a heck of a lot. Beware.
Surround yourself with people who can say no.
Don’t become a low EQ ghoster who hides from the world.
They saved you time
Time is our most valuable currency.
When a human ghosts you it gives a clear signal you’re not wanted. That’s a good thing. It allows you to redirect that wasted attention to someone or something else.
Lost hours get regained thanks to ghosting. Reinvest the time into a goal or person who matters.
The flipside of ghosting I never see spoken about
Let’s go in the other direction and show some empathy.
Ghosting is normally a terrible form of behavior. There’s one exception. What can look like ghosting may be tragedy.
One time I thought someone ghosted my skinny ass. I got angry. I overreacted. The self-talk in my head spiraled out of control. Eventually they replied to my message.
Turned out they missed their catch-up with me because they were in a car accident. They couldn’t text because their phone was in the car wreckage.
While they were in the hospital I was crucifying them in my head and hoping they’d end up in hell.
So why most ghosting is toxic immaturity done by adult babies, there are exceptions to the rule. Don’t forget to have empathy, too.
The #1 way to get a ghoster to reply (works every time)
Working sales jobs requires lots of follow-ups.
When people don’t want to buy … they ghost. They’re often too afraid to say “my mommy (boss) won’t let me.” Or “I can’t afford it.” When you send generic business replies or use standard templates like “just following up mate,” they rarely get a reply.
Ghosting is easier than dealing with a salesperson.
I stumbled across one trick that works every time.
Last year in my job I’d pitch banks various tech solutions. They’d tell me to follow up. I did. They’d ghost me.
On the 3rd attempt I’d simply write “Could you respond out of courtesy either way and let me know?”
This sentence taps into their human nature.
Most people don’t want to come across as rude, especially in business, so they’ll reply. The speed of response is quite remarkable. It’s a good idea to add an extra line that says “it’s fine if it’s a no just let me know.”
Use this badass template next time you come across a ghoster.