Workers are fed up.
The modern structure of work continues to shatter into tiny pieces of glass no elitist CEO can put back together again.
Business leaders want us to go back to their stinking offices. “The virus is over” they say. Ahhhh not quite Chief.
We’re smarter than that.
Many of us are still coughing our lungs out. What makes business leaders think we’re going back to an office so they can watch us again? No thanks amigo. I’m out.
Coroni-rona is still everywhere. We’re not getting sick for you. But we are getting sick of you.
This is why humans are the best in the galaxy
Business Insider reported that after more than two years into this epic health crisis — that was supposed to magically “go away in the winter,” according to one Donald Duck — companies are asking employees to return to the office or quit.
How ’bout no Scotty?
Only 49% of employees are going back. The other 51% have now formed what is known as the Great Resistance. Reminds me of the Polish resistance against Germany in the war. Or the disability resistance pioneered in the 80s and 90s that made toilets and ramps a must (watch Crip Camp).
We’re tired of being told what to do as if society is some sort of dictatorship.
And it’s working.
Businesses are allowing employees to protest and not go back to working in an office because they’re scared mass exoduses will destroy their revenue. Nice. When we stand up to stupid rules it gets results.
Business stupidity only happens if we let it.
Moronic leaders only win if we say yes.
Not the first time
Last year the Great Resignation made headlines for similar reasons.
Workers just decided en masse that they needed a change. People discovered making money online more than ever before. The Creator Economy became a real economy that’s now a force to reckon with.
I got sucked in. Last year I quit my job. I told my boss, nicely, to stick it where the sun don’t shine, mate. He was surprised.
“What are you going to do Mr Tim?”
“Do real work that gets results and doesn’t involve back-to-back meetings and the creation of infinite PowerPoints and spreadsheets. Sound fair enough?”
More than 47 million Americans joined the movement. What a viva la resistance.
Your plan to win won’t work. LOL.
MarketWatch reported that the corporate geniuses have got ideas. Some businesses are offering free food or even wine tasting to get us back.
Muhahahahaha.
Google is the funniest company. They got Lizzo to come do a one-time concert to attract employees back to their office dungeons. What’s next Mr Sundar … Lady Gaga tomorrow followed by Bieber Believer the day after???
Cheap tricks are created by dumb d*cks. It ain’t gonna work.
Why we’re not going back to your stinking offices
These are going to be hard pills to swallow for CEOs of companies like JP Morgan and Tesla, who think they can force us to go back.
Gas prices make driving to work cost too much
You seen the gas price lately? Holy cow.
Driving to work each day is a nightmare. It costs a small fortune to fill-her-up. With inflation out of control, most people don’t have the spare coins or one-hundred dollar bills to fund a return to offices.
And who the heck wants to sit in traffic for 2–3 hours a day? Not me.
The Great Resistance was always going to happen. Commuting is literally wasting the precious hours of our lives away. We were born for more.
Living near a cubicle prison costs a lot too
The closer you are to big cities the more a house costs. Most of us only live near big cities because we have to.
If we could work from anywhere it sure as hell wouldn’t be in the middle of a concrete jungle full of skyscrapers with zero design beauty and feel cold as ice. Brrrrrrrrr.
Remote meetings are the best
We can all agree there are too many meetings.
Last year in my final year of 9-5 life I got cheeky. Because all meetings were remote, I simply did 80% of them with my camera off and the mic on mute.
On the rare occasion someone asked me a direct question I trained my colleagues to say “he’s probably got internet issues” and then switch the focus away from me like the gorgeous magicians they were.
Remote meetings are easier to escape so the real work can get done.
Now I run a successful online business with a business partner in another country that I’ve never met. Seeing people face-to-face is overrated. We live in the metaverse after all. Zucks agrees.
More free time
All this ‘no office’ talk means less time stuck in trains, planes, and automobiles. Fewer meetings and fewer random interruptions from Karen in accounts means we can work harder and finish earlier.
With a daughter on the way there’s just no way I’ll ever work so many hours again because of pointless, time-wasting meetings and leaders that want to stroke their own egos with another PowerPoint.
Family time in most households got cut back too far. Coroni-rona gave us back family time, and we’re not missing our kids grow up ever again.
The rise of eCompanies
The pain in the ass thing about capitalism for business leaders is that if enough competition joins the resistance it becomes the norm.
eCommerce destroyed physical stores thanks to convenience. eCompanies aka tech-led firms are doing the same for work culture. Enough of them are following Airbnb’s lead and it’s working. Hooray!
Work from home costs less in every way — for employees and business.
LinkedIn agrees with office freedom
I thought I’d do my own experiment on LinkedIn.
Screenshot from my LinkedIn
This post went viral. It looks like the global workforce wants work from home forever. Nice. Enjoy your freedom peeps.
How it started versus how it’s going
It started with businesses trying this clown suit of going back to an office on. Stanford University (god bless ’em) did some research on the matter.
The verdict is in….
Employees are ignoring the return to office orders. They’re blocking their ears and singing La La La I can’t hear you.
Data proves the resistance is in full flight. The research also found that more than 40% of managers are not enforcing the return to office orders either.
Thanks bosses!
And the research also concluded that a hybrid between the work-from-office nazis and the work-from-home movement is here to stay. Most meetings could have been an email anyway.
Suckers. Turn your camera off. Be there in spirit.
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash
What (painfully) happens if businesses enforce working from an office of broken dreams
Of course there are always bad eggs that smell like corporate farts.
They can’t hear what the Great Resistance is saying. Morons. So I guess we gotta tell them and say it loudly for the deaf people in the back of the room.
Rule 1
Threaten our jobs, and we just go on LinkedIn and get a new one. Welcome to the digital economy — people power.
Rule 2
It’s bloody easy mate to interview for jobs from home. Not like the old days when we had to take sickies. If you force us we’ll use work hours to interview with your competitors. Soz.
I read one interview with a recruiter who said people were doing interviews from home in the morning and getting a new job by the afternoon. Now that’s efficiency, wouldn’t you say, bad bosses?
Rule 3
You will lose the future generations if you force us to work from home.
You’ll end up like the US government, a room full of white male grandpas who can barely answer a call on their “smartphone” as they call it.
Research shows that 71% of young people (18–24 year olds) don’t want to go back to office prisons full time.
So if you force us, you will wipe out your Gen Z and Gen X workforce. I wouldn’t do if I was you. Young minds generate gorgeous ideas and amazing innovation. They’re our future.
What this all means for you
If you say yes to going back to the office you ruin the leverage we’ve created.
Think of the family. Think of coroni-rona that’s like the gift no one wants that keeps giving. Crowded places equal weeks spent in bed thanks to Uncle Coroni-Rona.
Don’t go back, it’s a trap.
Employees globally are getting their power back. First with our careers. Then thanks to the side hustles we work on after hours. And later, because of the reality we can make some or all of our income online in our underpants.
Join the viva la Great Resistance. It’s one of the most beautiful movements in history. It’s giving people back their time, giving children their parents back, and allowing people to work from anywhere.
Hold the front line. The world needs you. We need you.
