I’m a drunk in love at the best of times.
I suck at relationships, but I’m learning.
For the last few years, I’ve kept a library of the best advice. It’ll help you be luckier in love, attract awesome friends, and improve family relationships.
- “People spend too much time worrying about finding the right person, and not enough time becoming the right person.” (OrangeBook)
- Austin Belcak describes relationships like bank accounts. I’m an ex-banker and love it. You have to make deposits into your relationship bank account. If you don’t make deposits, there are penalties for withdrawing. He says you’ve got to “build social capital before you spend it.”
- A one-night stand is a transaction that makes you feel rich. Love is an ongoing relationship that makes you wealthy.
- A true lover will call you out on your BS.
- Divorce happens too soon. You need a chance to extract the lessons from it, otherwise, you’ll do the same thing with your next partner.
- On the first date you’ll do anything for the other person. The longer you’re together, the less you adopt this mindset because you start measuring what you’re getting. Tony Robbins says do what you did at the start of the relationship and there won’t be an end. Treat every day like a first date.
- Have fun and go on dates. Otherwise, you’re roommates, says writer Sean Kernan. Roommates don’t kiss. Kiss more to break the cycle.
- A broken heart can fix the rest of your life. Sometimes you’ve gotta have your heart smashed to pieces to learn gratitude, understand the meaning of life, and find your true calling. Heartbreak is silent transformation.
- Don’t be sorry if you get divorced. At least you lived (According to divorcee Amelia Sordell.)
- Relationships are about the transfer of emotion between two people. It’s why singers who sing covers fail. They don’t feel the songs they sing. They focus on vocal acrobatics instead of emotion. Show emotion. Don’t hide it.
- Focus on being teammates instead of soulmates for relationship success. (Ryan Stephens)
- There’s no such thing as a stable relationship with an unstable person. Choose carefully.
- Don’t look desperate when you’re looking for a partner. People can see it a mile away. It’s ugly. Care less to attract more.
- The older generations get divorced less and stay together longer. This is no accident. If you speak to them they’ll tell you their secret. A relationship is about two permanently imperfect people refusing to give up on each other. Don’t give up so easily. Work sh*t out.
- Taking a risk on a relationship that might not work out is better than living with regrets about what could have been.
- The best couples push each other to be better than they thought they could be. My wife and I do this. We always want to be 1% better. Mantra: “Current failure shows future potential.”
- Oxytocin makes us delusional. After a few months of seeing someone it dies down. We mistakenly think the spark is gone. Nope. The love didn’t vanish. Oxytocin isn’t love. Don’t be fooled. (Zain Kahn)
- Bad communication destroys relationships. Become a good communicator to have more luck with love. Learn to communicate how you feel. Listen a lot too.
- A deep conversation with your partner often reignites your connection with them after a busy day at work. Have long talks.
- Relationships become complicated when one (or both) are adult babies — those who are bad with money, immature emotionally, and who don’t know what they want. Get your sh*t together before starting a relationship.
- Unhealed trauma screws up a relationship. It makes you see healthy relationships as boring because they’re not as exciting as dating psychopaths that create chaos that leads to toxic relationships.
- Getting married, even when you know your fiancé is going to die, is the real definition of badass. Selflessness creates enormous power that transcends death. (Brett Tokar did this. Legend.)